this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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