The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
