i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
