I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
