So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Randomize
