I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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