can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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