Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
