I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
