so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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