____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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