I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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