i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
where does the pee come out of this thing
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
