lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
