And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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