I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
