would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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