you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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