I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
