2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
