When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
