Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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