Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
