I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize