i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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