margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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