she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
