im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
