I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
