We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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