On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
