I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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