I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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