I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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