are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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