I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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