i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
