seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
