Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
