Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
