this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
