Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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