in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
