I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you traded sex for a burrito?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
