You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
