She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
