get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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