marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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