His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
