Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
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i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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