Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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