No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
